OLI’S PARTY
My ex-flatmate and old school friend Oli, has invited Joe and I to a party at his parents’ summer house in Norfolk, boasting about the amount of single girls he has coming. It’s the day before when he phones to let us know that the party is now at his house in Cambridge with his parents present. Nice one Oli.
We’re already late by the time Joe and I arrive, due to Joe getting a 2nd AD job on some crappy independent film. Oli greets us at the door and he leads us into the kitchen where we see all his guests. His sister and some couple I’ve never met are sat at the dining table eating a meal. This is unbelievable, Oli promised us an amazing party awash with single girls in private house away from it all and after all the bother of Joe getting home late from shooting and us racing here in the car, all the way from London, this is what we find. Three guests. Eating dinner. Well done Oli. The party’s fucking booming. We’re introduced to the girl and guy I don’t know but as with most new people I meet, their names go straight out of my head and I know I’ll be forced to use words like, Buddy, Dude and This Guy, when talking to or about them for the rest of the evening.
They finish their meal and after saying hello to Oli’s parents we head upstairs to play some pool and put some music on. Oli’s house is amazing. It’s located just outside of Cambridge in a small village and overshadows the other houses there with it’s immense size and the amazing grounds it’s situated in. It looks like it used to be some kind of manor house and feels like it really should be populated with butlers and maids with it’s three floors. The more recreational of the two living rooms is on the first floor and is a place where I have spent many a time playing Oli at pool. This time feels a little different though. Everyone wants to hear about my new job. All eyes are on me as I tell them about the interview and about filming and editing Fresh Off The Bus and about how I’ve just shot Fresh Off The Bus 2 last week. I sound like I’ve been in the business for years, not months. Oli and his stepsister Rachael are particularly impressed and I’m not surprised since it was with them, many years ago, that I saw my first proper hardcore porno. It was at Rachael’s Mum’s house, we were all very drunk and had the whole house to ourselves as we rummaged through their wardrobe, browsing all their porn videos. One of Rachael’s friends thought it would be hilarious to ram her mum’s vibrator in my mouth; I was so angry I wanted to punch the guy in the face. I was also incredibly drunk after a couple of seconds decided it was pretty funny too. So after choosing some German video, ignoring the blank VHS tapes for fear of unleashing some kind of home video experiment, we sat on their bed and watched porn. I was almost instantly aroused to see some woman suck off some guy like that. I had just never seen it before. And this guys cock looked like a baby’s arm. And the close-ups. The German’s loved their close-ups. Oli had to hide his eyes or leave the room whenever they cut to a close-up. I think it was just too much for him.
I regale them with stories of the company I work for and shooting my first few porn films, assuring Oli that there aren’t too many close-ups and I feel like a celebrity among my friends. It’s a shame that Joe’s job as a 2nd AD has fallen on deaf ears, since that’s an actual proper film he’s helping make. He may not be getting paid for it but it still stars a couple of household names and female pop star.
As the evening continues a female friend of Oli’s arrives, stays for a drink and then leaves.
“So I take it that was the horde of single girls you mentioned?” I ask.
“Well a few of them couldn’t make it but Amanda is on her way. Do you remember her? She was a couple of years below us at school.” Oli looks rather excited. Yes I remember meeting her in a pub in Cambridge where she chain-smoked but didn’t inhale. She boasted about fucking some guy in the field out back and came across as a complete tease and all talk.
“Yeah, Amanda, sure.” I say. “So when’s she getting here?”
“Well she doesn’t have any money so I’ve paid for her train ticket from Norwich and she’s in a taxi right now.”
“Paid for her ticket?”
“Hell yeah, she is fit as. If it takes a train ticket to get her here, I’m totally willing to buy it.” And buying it is exactly what he’s doing. He’s pretty much paying the girl to come down for a shag. Not that I can blame him, she may have been a total tease back then but maybe now she’s a full on sex maniac.
Amanda arrives twenty minutes later and staggers into the living room, greeting Oli with a kiss.
“Hey, good to see you,” she says, putting her arms around him. “ The taxi’s waiting to be paid outside.”
“Okay,” says Oli, “No problem, be right back.” A few glances are made in the room. This girl knows exactly what she’s doing. She sees me, says hi and does the same to Joe.
“Are there drinks?” She asks, draping her coat over the sofa, looking like she’s only come here because wherever she was had run out.
“Yeah, what do you want?” Asks Joe, trying to be suave. “Lager?”
“Is there any Vodka?”
“You want a shot of Vodka?” Asks Joe?
“With lime and soda,” she says, giving him a thankful glance. Joe is off down the stairs and into the pantry quicker than an amateur porn star. Vodka, lime and soda; the pornographers drink of choice, according to Hazza. He even instructed me how to make the perfect one; start with vodka but not too much, cut a lime into quarters and squeeze two of them in, dropping the juicy remnants into the glass, next add a tiny amount of lime cordial (if any) and finish by adding the soda. And make sure its soda water, not just sparkling water; there’s a world of difference. Every time I drink it now I feel like a true porn guru.
We play a few more games of pool and drink more. We even attempt to create some kind of gymnastic pyramid, which ends with Joe falling to the ground. It’s a pretty happy, drunken evening. There’s even a moment when I get to flirt a bit with Amanda; she is seriously looking good. In the five or six years since I last met her, the universe has been very kind. Her brunette hair is coloured red and it looks amazing; I totally have a thing for synthetic red heads! We’re in the pantry getting another drink, she’s moved onto the beer, having relinquished Oli of his vodka and after a smile from her I go in for a kiss and she turns her head away. Moments like these are some of the most embarrassing in a man’s life. Going for a kiss with every confidence that you’ve read the signs correctly only to be turned down. Harsh. But I fucking knew it. I knew she was a tease. This just confirmed it. Oli’s not getting any tonight; she just wanted a bunch of free drinks and party to go to. I knew it.
So I reside to the fact that I’m going to be sleeping alone tonight and make my way back to the others in the living room as Amanda heads outside for another cigarette. When she arrives back upstairs the conversation is in full flow about my work as I’m passing around copies of previous Salsa titles.
“Are you guys looking at porn?” asks Amanda.
“It’s what Rick does,” says Oli.
“What?” she says, looking unconvinced, “You’re a porn star?”
“I work at a porn company, filming and editing.” I can see her eyes widen as she gets a sudden rush of adrenaline. It’s like I’m suddenly a totally different person in her eyes. The party is no longer some crappy gathering with drinks and pool table, now she’s schmoozing with someone who works in porn and for some reason, maybe the drink, she finds this to be worthy of her attention.
“What have you filmed?” she asks me, sitting down in front of the sofa next to me. Well, I say sitting; she practically falls.
“Oh God,” says Oli to himself.
“I started about three and a half months ago, so only Fresh Off The Bus, Fresh Off The Bus 2 and soon Fresh Off The Bus 3.”
“And you filmed them? You filmed people fucking?”
“That’s the job,” I say, nonchalantly taking a swig of beer.
“Oh my God, that is so cool.” I finish the rest of the lager, swallow and look back at her.
“I know.”
“Tell her what your porn name is!” Says Joe.
“You have a porn name?” She asks.
“Bush… Dick Bush,” I say raising an eyebrow that Roger Moore would be proud of.
For the next twenty minutes she can’t get enough of me. She’s asking so many questions about work and the performers and I must admit I feel pretty damn good about it. There was never anything special about me before, I was the friend who made all the silly fun films but that was it. I had recently been doing ok with girls but that was only because I was a late starter. Now I feel like a fucking King and dammit, I’d been waiting for so fucking long.
Amanda is now almost unintelligible; she’s so drunk that I can’t help but bring out my phone and film her slurring her words. She starts to act like she’s modelling and I join in shouting directions at her. Everyone is chuckling apart from Oli who seems to be annoyed that Amanda’s attention is focused elsewhere. She pushes my phone away but I keep recording. She leaps on top of my chest pushing me to the ground and sees my Superman belt buckle.
“Are you Superman?” she asks.
“Yes, I am,” I reply, smiling. She starts undoing the buckle and pulls off my entire belt. Everyone is taken aback by this and they start looking at each other while she keeps my gaze and starts to slowly undo my fly. She’s testing me. She wants to know if I’m the real deal. I’m not going to disappoint her, the things I’ve seen and done these past three months, as well as the amount of alcohol tonight, have given me such confidence that my heart beat doesn’t even rise. If anything I’m willing her to pull my cock out right now, because quite frankly, this is really turning me on. She unbuttons my fly and starts to reach into my boxer shorts clasping her fingers around my increasingly hardening manhood, giving it a squeeze. She gives me cheeky kiss on the lips and pulls her hand out of my underwear and chuckles, looking for another drink.
“Jesus Christ,” says Joe.
“ I need a drink,” I say and head downstairs to grab another beer.
When I return upstairs Oli is walking out of the living room chatting to Amanda; obviously trying his best to win her affections. She gets a phone call and heads to the bathroom to answer it. Oli walks back into the living room as I reach the top of the stairs and I see Amanda in the bathroom, in the dark, obviously talking to her ex-boyfriend she mentioned earlier.
“I’m at a friend’s party,” she says. “No-one you know, just a friend of mine. No, a female friend.” I put my drink down and walk into the bathroom behind her. “There are a couple of guys here but they’re taken. I’m just at a friend’s party. I love you.” She notices me behind her and takes my hand, putting around her waist. Without any hesitation I start groping her and I can feel her breath out as she pushes her hand onto mine and I caress her breasts. I start kissing her neck as she tells her boyfriend how much she loves him and I realise what kind of girl she is. She could never be trusted and she could have any guy she wants. She knows it and right now, she wants me. Joe peers round the door and, still clasped to her breasts I kick the door closed. She says goodbye to her ex, hangs up and turns to me, kissing me hard. We’re all over each other as Oli forces his way in and doesn’t look happy at all.
“Can you too keep it down?” He asks.
“Will do,” I say closing the door on his face. I feel righteous doing this to him. It wasn’t too long ago that he had slept with someone I wanted to be with; maybe its time he sees what that feels like. As I turn back to Amanda, all notions of this being some kind of revenge plot rapidly disappear as she starts pulling her top off. Fuck! She wants it right here and now. In the bathroom. Awesome. I pull down my jeans and boxers and she instantly falls to her knees and starts sucking my cock. It’s like I’m in one the films I’ve been making. This is just porno ridiculousness; surely this kind of thing doesn’t actually happen outside of cheap adult films? She takes off her jeans and I pull her up and start fucking her against the dark wall of the bathroom, which turns out to be rather difficult.
“Look, if we’re gonna do this, I’d rather do it well or not at all,” she tells me. I’m a little taken aback but quite frankly as any guy will know, if you have a hard-on and you’re with a naked girl, you don’t tend to be doing much thinking. I turn her around and we do it doggy style. It’s amazing, oh my god it’s so good. Not just the sex, the whole situation; it’s so ridiculous I can’t stop smiling. She’s bloody loving it too by the sounds of things; I really couldn’t care about the noise we’re making. We move to the floor but she smacks her head on the bottom of the shower wall.
“Fuck,” she cries, “I can’t see a fucking thing.”
“Shall I put the light on?”
“Let’s just save it for later, yeah?” Fuck it, maybe she’s right. We’re in a tiny bathroom. Not the most comfortable place to be doing this.
“Yeah, ok.” We redress and creep back towards the living room and I hear nothing. They must be outside or maybe they’re up in Oli’s bedroom. As we enter the living room I see Oli, Joe and Rachael sitting on the sofas in absolute silence. They turn to me and give me a smile as Amanda strolls in behind me.
“So…” I say. “Did I leave a drink around here?”
It’s only a few minutes later when Oli decides to go to bed. We’re all thinking it’s rather early for this but it’s his party, he can do what he wants. After a while Amanda gets a text message from him and tells us that it’s Oli, asking her to come up and see him. We laugh and decide that maybe we should all go up and see him. So we do. Oli is so severely pissed off with us that the joke runs out of steam pretty quickly and he tells us all to leave except for Amanda. We head back down to the living room to chat and flick through late night TV until I join Joe outside so he can have a smoke. Amanda joins us and bums a cigarette of Joe who finishes his but hangs around like a bad smell. I’m wanting so desperately to make out with Amanda but I’m forced to shoot the breeze with Joe as she finishes her smoke. Jesus fucking Christ, can’t you take a hint? Piss off so we can snog each other’s faces! She finishes and the three of us head upstairs. I take her into the spare bedroom and she hops onto the bed. She tells me Oli is expecting her back in his room; that he had told her she could sleep with him tonight. Sorry pal but Amanda and I have different plans tonight.
The sex is immense. We do it like fucking porn stars. I even manage to get into a few positions I had seen first hand and wanted to try out for myself. She was amazed at it. So was I frankly. We have so much energy; it’s because we were being naughty it feels like it’s dangerous and we’re rebels.
“You are so sexy…” She keeps telling me. I say the same back and she tells me to come. So I do.
“Oh my God, you come so much, I can feel it,” she says. I am totally spent. She snuggles up to me and tells me how she loves older guys. I’m a little confused since I’m only two years older than her but it would be lunacy to linger on that detail when I have this incredible sex kitten in my arms. “You know,” she starts, “the porn thing really turns me on.” It’s good to be the king.
The next morning after waking up and doing it again she asks me if I want to come with her to Fiji for three months. Three months? How about two weeks lady? Right now, I have the best life ever. It’s going pretty damn good and I know it’s going to keep getting better for a while. Oh yes. Sure there’ll be a downfall at some point, I have no doubt. But right now I plan to enjoy myself all I can because I fucking deserve it.
Joe and I leave, heading back to London and we give Amanda a lift to the station. The vibes I get from Oli are priceless; pure jealousy. I’m a little ashamed to think that I quite enjoy it. That’s what it feels like buddy. The joy I’m feeling is threatened only for a moment when Joe asks Amanda for her e-mail address as she heads into the station. I forget about it as we pull away. I ruled that party. I am a fucking legend. A king among my friends. Rock ‘N’ Roll.
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